I touch myself, nude on the bed, a finger on my clit, the other hand cupping the swollen nipple of a breast. I am excited, the merest caress launches an orgasm.

I never thought this could ever really happen. I've fantasized about it for as long as I can remember. Nothing has ever excited me more than the thought of a knife deep inside of me, opening me up. But I always knew I could never go through with it. Dying is a high price to pay for that one ultimate fantasy.

But when the diagnosis came back from the doctors, that it was inoperable, untreatable, some things suddenly became a lot easier. My condition has no pain, no outward symptoms, but the timing is pretty set. I could go at any moment between now and next week. Knowing that, I want to go the way I have always dreamed of going. Fortunately I have made contacts through the online community with a number of people who have the same sort of fetish, except their fetish isn't to be gutted like mine, but rather to do the gutting.

One of them was willing to do it for real, seeing as it isn't murder. I'm terminal, this is euthanasia. Flying to meet him was no big deal, as putting stuff on a credit card doesn't much matter when I don't have to be here to pay it off. He's been really sweet about things too, a real gentleman. It would seem odd perhaps to someone without these crazy desires that someone who wants to gut you would be a gentleman, but there you have it.

He set up some video cameras to record the event. That was a condition of his helping me. He wants to share my death with the rest of the community. I figured, what the hey, it's not like I will be around to deal with any fallout. He's going to wear a hood expecting to not get recognized. I hope he's right. He really is a nice guy.

I've been on a juice fast for a couple of days, ever since I knew this was what I was going to do. I've done a few enemas as well, wanting to be clean inside to minimize some of the pain and smell. He gave me several pills an hour ago, that will help reduce cramping and nausea, and he's treated the blade he is going to use with a sugar syrup and powdered opiates, so as to minimize the pain. We both want the maximum pleasure from this.

"OK, the camera's are all rolling." He says, as he kneels on the bed between my spread legs. "We have one hour to kill you."

"Oh god!" I whisper, "This is really happening?"

"Yes." He adjusts himself, I feel the cold of the flat of his blade touch my inner thigh. The touch sends quivers through me. That blade is going to kill me, it is going to sink deep inside of me, it is going to cut me wide open!

"I'm scared." I confess. Who wouldn't be?

"Do you want to stop?" He asks. "I won't do this unless it is what you really want."

"No, I want this. I really do want this. But that doesn't make me not scared."

"Will you ride me while I kill you?"

"Me on top?"

"Yes."

"Yes, but you'll still need to tie me. I am pretty sure my instinct will get in the way if I am not tied."

"That's ok, I know how to tie you to make it work." His hands guide me. "Kneel on the bed."

With that he produces a couple of lengths of thick but soft rope. He ties each of the lengths securely to each of my wrists, and then the other side of each length to each of my ankles. There is virtually no play between my hands and ankles, I can support myself with my hands on my ankles, that's it. I can't move my arms or legs away from that position, especially once I straddle him. He helps shift me into the right spot on the bed, then shuffles his legs between mine till I am seated above him, my crotch lubricating his furiously erect cock.

My knees are wide, my back is arched. Him under me has lifted my pelvis, and with my hands tied to my ankles, there is no other position possible. I never dreamed I could be this vulnerable and still be the one doing the fucking. My sex finds the tip of his cock and I maneuver it inside of me, I start to ride him slowly.

"This is perfect." I tell him. "This is the perfect way to die."

"Thank you for letting me be the one." He says.

I smile. I want to kiss him, but I can't lean forward to do so. "Thank you for being willing to kill me for real." I hug him with my vagina muscles.

"I need for you to tell me again." He says, "Tell me over and over. Don't stop begging me to do it until it's done. I need that for my own courage to go all the way."

'This is it.' I think to myself, this is the final moment.

It's hard to beg for death when it's real. I don't really want to die, but that isn't up to me. I just want that ultimate experience I've always dreamed about, seeing as I'm dying already. "Do it." I say, knowing I'll need to say a lot more.

I feel the touch of ultimate sharpness low on my belly. My whole body shivers. My riding him gets more vigorous. "Do it. Push it inside of me."

The knife presses ever so slightly, I can feel his hesitation. "Please," I beg him, "Do it. Do it for real."

I feel him throbbing inside of me, the blade quivers with his excitement. He pushes a bit more.

I start to get into the flow of it, the words come more easily. "I want your knife deep inside of me. I want you to stab me. I want you to gut me. I want you to kill me!"

"You want me to kill you?" He asks, begging the affirmation.

"Yes!" I beg, sincerely. "Kill me!" My fucking him is as vigorous as can be, my own excitement quivering with building orgasm. "Gut me while I fuck you!"

He presses the knife hard. My belly round from my arched back strains over the knife tip like a balloon over a pin, strains to burst. "Gut me like a fish!"

And then my belly pops! I feel it like my whole life burst over the blade! The sensation is audible in my ears, I gurgle and quiver and I gasp with a squeak!

The knife sinks inside, an inch per second, deep inside! It comes to rest with the tip of it tickling near my rectum. And then the most massive orgasm I have ever experienced in my life hits me like a tidal wave! I shriek!

I feel him ejaculate inside of me while my own orgasm continues unsubsidized. I am barely human in my ecstasy, but somehow I get the word out, "More!"

"Oh Wow!" I am barely cognizant as he pulls the blade out of me half ways and pushes it back in again, deep. "Oh god!" My own orgasm has me in such throes that my pelvis is still fucking him as he fucks me with his knife. "Oh Yes!"

"Gut me!" I cry, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I am already being gutted! He is sawing the blade downwards slowly as the blade pumps in and out of my belly. I feel my bladder burst inside of me! I feel my insides coming loose! His blade cuts at my pubic bone, it cuts into my G-spot!

I can't speak, I can barely squeak. My whole body is aquiver from orgasm and gutting. He reverses the direction of the cutting and starts cutting upwards. The blade reaches my navel as I feel and watch wide eyed as my guts start to slither outside of me.

The knife is pumping in and out of my navel, my guts flow over his chest, jiggling with every thrust. I'm not fucking him so much now as I am quivering him, but he is still hard inside of me as I feel him ejaculate again into what was once my belly. He reverses his grip on the knife so the blade is angled downwards, as he continues to cut, sawing up past my navel.

I watch, the orgasm never stopping, as the knife slowly climbs, till it reaches my chest bone. My belly is completely agape. He puts the blade aside and spreads my openness with his hands. Somehow my body is still perched sitting over him.

I feel his hands deep inside of me grasping, squeezing, slurping through my guts. He pulls bits of me out. I see parts of what used to be me splash outside. Blood and juice of me is everywhere. I squirt a bit more.

He grasps my vagina from the inside, through the hollow of my wide open belly, and jerks himself off with my vagina. My wide eyes watch.

I am dead meat sitting on a cock beside a pile of what were once my guts. I smile, and th... *

Excellent, as always.