Un petit texte de blog dans ma langue maternelle, le français, le seul...promis! Je suis inscrit ici depuis plus d'un an et demi dans l'espoir de vivre mes noirs fantasmes dans la vraie vie, et donc avec une autre personne. Existe t'elle, cette personne rêvée? C'est un homme ou une femme, je préfèrerais une femme, ma bisexualité est à dominante hétéro, mais je suis ouvert à tous. Qu'importe l'âge . Je dirais de 17 à 77 ans en reférence à Tintin, ce mec bizarre qui vit dans un château  avec un marin barbu et alcoolique et un chien. Qu'importent également le physique, la couleur de peau et tous ces détails, c'est pour vivre mes fantasmes, alors... Dans une relation discréte où la possessivité et la jalousie sont exclues, il sagit de jouer des scénes où je meurs et des scénes où nous mourons tous les deux, de préférence pendant ou àprés l'amour. Nous assouvirons également ensemble tes fantasmes, quels qu'ils soient, je n'ai aucun tabou. Alors, si tu existes ecris moi, mais la question reste posée: existes tu?

Today, in the afternoon a hard cold rain falls over my town, Montpellier. Back from my work, I have a pulsion for playing dead naked on my balcony, under the rain. On the balcony, there is a plastic bowl, full of rain's water. I fall on the wet and cold ground and crawl a little. After I play to take bullets, I put my head in the full of water bowl and I stay like that, without a move one moment, I'm dead. It was short and cold but I loved to do it. And the hot shower just after is like a paradise entrance.

I began with the death fetish a long time ago. I was a child, 9-10 years old, I played sometimes dead in front of the mirror, with the less of clothes as possible, and sometimes naked. I did it when I was alone in my bedroom. At school, in plays I loved to be the one killed in duel. I loved also to see women killed in movies on TV. When I was a teenager, I continued this play, with fake blood now. I loved to put this fake blood in some parts of my body  and in my mouth. I was so excited by seing me dead in the mirror. It was some years before internet, and I thank I was alone to have this fetish and I kept it secret during a long time, totally separed from a normal love and social life. I continued to play dead alone sometimes and in 2005 I discovered deviantart, necrobabes, annabelle's fantasy, suzyfight, deadskirts..... so some people have the same fetish than me. Internet is rich for this fantasm and gave me pleasure, but now it's not enough.

Since I know DFN, I have one obsession, to play my fetish with other people in the real life. I have the sensation I won't be totally myself before succed in real deathplay in couple or in group. I'm ready to take risks and maybee be killed for real in this attempt. I would prefer that to a permanent frustration and a sensation of failure; and after living in a world I don't like, to die after a long and suffering hilness which is the future of a lot of people.

It's hard to realise this fantasm, maybee I won't succed, but be sure I won't wait the hilness and a long time to finish this life for real, naked and alone

I always wanted to play dead with girls or mixed group, and at the end, but not hurry, die for real by the same way. Finally, I have the feeling I will die how I always played, alone. It will be one night and outside. I will be naked impossible for me to imagine dying with clothes, I want to die as I was born. Nobody for killing me so I will commit suicide, I want blood so I will use a knife. I will do it in a quiet place, a public garden or a wood near my town. I enjoy some people will see me in the early morning, dead and naked. I will post here as event the place and the date, if someone wants to see that, or maybe not... fantasy or reality? Who knows?

I'm lying naked on the cold ground of this desertic church, in my own blood. The beautifull naked hitgirl who killed me with four bullets is seated  on my back, cleaning her gun.

She says "it was a good idea, making love in this place before you die isn't it?  Sorry, I was obliged to kill you or they would kill me"

I answer, spiting blood, "they'll kill you even I'm dead, you know too many things, but I don't hate you and hope you will survive. Now, please, kiss me and kill me with a last bullet"

At this time, two men come into the church, guns in the hands and my beautifull hitwoman takes five bullets on her chest. She falls on her knees. I get up with a strange force and cry  "bastards!!!"

I take five bullets in my body and I fall on my back. A river of blood come from my mouth now. The girl is bleeding too and crowls to me. She joins her bleeding mouth to mine for a last red kiss, saying "thanks to have cried".

Killers are under us now, and shoot us a lot of time. They let us,dead,  naked, in a bloodbath.

I'm naked on the back, tired after love, and the girl takes a long knife in her bag; She's naked and pretty, but she wants to kill. She puts the knife in my belly, and she turns it inside me. A lot of blood falls now and she kiss me on the mouth.

"I don't hate you, it's just my job" she says. She continues to turn the knife into my body and paints herself of blood with the other hand. Woman's breasts and belly are red now and the blood begins to come from my mouth. She drinks it with pleasure and puts the knife into my heart. I loose an lot of blood now and I can't move any more, I can't feel any force in me. She continues to drink in my mouth when I die.

Strange thing, I'm dead, I know it, but I continue to see and to hear everything. She's calling her boss to say the job is done. Someone shoot het threw the window. She takes the bullet into her belly. She crawls to me and takes another one in the back. Now she's bleeding and I find her so sexy. When she's under me, she kiss me on the mouth and takes another bullet in her back. She's dying now, but all becomes so dark and strange. Now, I'm flying and I see our bodies under me in a bloodbath, and now...nothing! The dark everywhere!